[狐狸补遗之六] 评 [迦楼逻队 – 听月楼主] 剪不断，理还乱
<P ><FONT size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman">[</FONT>狐狸补遗之六<FONT face="Times New Roman">] </FONT>评<FONT face="Times New Roman"> [</FONT>迦楼逻队<FONT face="Times New Roman"> – </FONT>听月楼主<FONT face="Times New Roman">] </FONT>剪不断，理还乱<o:p></o:p></FONT></P><P ><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=3> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT size=3>故事概要<FONT face="Times New Roman">:<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=3> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT size=3>故事讲述丁雨<FONT face="Times New Roman">(</FONT>也称听月楼主<FONT face="Times New Roman">)</FONT>得悉其三弟及四妹<FONT face="Times New Roman">(</FONT>即李煜及周女英<FONT face="Times New Roman">)</FONT>被当朝天子赵匡义所囚<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>前往营救。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>赵匡义早有所料<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>安排高手围攻<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>但均不敌丁雨。丁雨欲杀赵匡义之际<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>赵匡义得其师武林名宿寒雾情出手相救。原来丁雨当年与先帝赵匡胤有所协定<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>赵匡胤答应善待李周二人<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>指赵匡义背信弃约而杀之。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>其实寒雾情非丁雨对手<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>寒雾情虽觉赵匡义不仁但欲丁雨以天下苍生为先。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>丁雨本不为所动<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>最后却由李煜把他劝服。<o:p></o:p></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=3> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT size=3>点评<FONT face="Times New Roman">:<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P ><FONT size=3>楼主的文笔优美<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>措词讲究<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>光在劈头两段形象月亮一物<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>已用了<FONT face="Times New Roman"> “</FONT>皓月”<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>、“冷月”、”孤轮”、<FONT face="Times New Roman">“</FONT>玉兔<FONT face="Times New Roman">” </FONT>等几个不同词汇<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>可见楼主对文字修辞的功底不俗<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>亦可见写文时的认真。<o:p></o:p></FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT size=3>然而楼主对文字的驾御力<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>却成为欣赏本文的一种障碍。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>如此优美的文字<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>其实对故事铺排方面没有什么实质的帮助<FONT face="Times New Roman">; </FONT>读了起首的几段之后<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>唯一的感觉是文字美丽以及那忧忧郁郁的画面以外<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>似乎连故事的轮廓还捉到故事<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>浪费之余<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>更觉作者有卖弄之嫌<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>反而感到沉闷。<o:p></o:p></FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT size=3>在故事整整体铺排方面<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>虽有节子戏<FONT face="Times New Roman">(</FONT>长篇辑剪而成的短篇或者外传<FONT face="Times New Roman">)</FONT>的味道<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>不过尚算顺畅完整<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>亦见楼主在撰写文时花的心思<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>只是情节稍嫌沉闷<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>欠缺高低起伏。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>另楼主在文中多次提及的角色的武林排名等安排<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>在欠缺一个循序渐进的铺排下<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>这些排名对读者来说可说是毫无意义<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>如白璧之瑕<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>没有突出不了角色的身份<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>反而有累赘的感觉。<o:p></o:p></FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT size=3>在立意方面<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>本文以救人为干<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>点出个人荣辱及国家人民之间轻重之争<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>立意不俗<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>令一个平凡的江湖故事加上色彩<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>实在可喜<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>亦是本文亮点之一。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>只可惜是到了故事末端方始突出<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>如蜻蜓点水一触即逝<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>有点可惜。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT>如果楼主可以将这个矛盾的取舍抉择写得深刻一点<FONT face="Times New Roman">, </FONT>应该会更有味道、更令人回味。</FONT><o:p></o:p></P>
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